that I don’t mind being alone and while that still holds true, it doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy the company of others every now and again. It’s always been difficult for me though which I guess is why I am in fact by myself a majority of the time. It just seems to me that I have to put so much effort toward maintaining any kind of relationship with anyone that in the end, it just doesn’t feel worth it.  I simply think that if it’s a good relationship, it’s doesn’t feel stressful or heavy, you may need to work for it, yeah, but it shouldn’t seem so hard. I’m not just talking about romantic relationships. I’m talking about any kind, even friendships. It’s been years since I’ve had someone to call a close friend. Here’s the thing though: Every little aspect of my life, every minute detail is so damn complex, so stressful, so complicated, and so heavy, that for once, just once, I’d like to have an outlet to that. Something easy, something that makes me feel nice, light, at peace. And you know, maybe that doesn’t have to come from someone else, maybe it can come from something else. It’s just sad. Everyone seems to have someone and all I have is myself. I have people that I talk to, but it’s not like we talk about anything of any significance. It’s not like I ever really open up to anyone, share my thoughts and beliefs and feelings. I don’t have anyone to go to when I’m struggling or even when something good happens, or even just to sit in silence with. It scares me. Not that I’m alone, but that I’m so okay with being alone. Which maybe just turns around and makes it so that I’m not okay at all? Yet again, it’s just another thing to add to my list of complications.